how does it feel?➰
how does it feel ➰
Hello Sweet Friends!! HOW ARE WE ALL DOING?! I always love hearing back from you when I send these emails, it feels like less of me yelling into a void and more like a conversation. Thank you for letting me wiggle my way into your inboxes.
Small connections like this have been fueling me MORE MORE MORE the last few months. Every small compliment a friend or stranger pays about my work or my shoes (orange crocs truly bring all walks of life together) breaths a little sweetness into my day. I struggle with any kind of compliment turned towards me so I have been working on BREATHING kind words in. Truly. Three big breaths in. Three loud weird exhales out.
We could all afford to be kinder to ourselves but integrating these things feels difficult. A few weeks ago I went on a tear buying every self-help book that I saw that promised some sort of SELF-CONFIDENCE OVERHAUL. But all I got was three different books telling me I AM ALREADY GREAT! AND I JUST HAVE TO DECIDE TO BE GREAT!! Fucking ew. My annoyance with the terribly privileged position these books take was only exacerbated by how annoyed I was that I spent $30 on a load of crap I already knew. But at least I bought it from my local book store??
We KNOW we're supposed to like ourselves (and if you don't then I can give you three different books that are sitting on my nightstand right now). But like, how do we like ourselves?
In alllllll of these books, NONE of them gave you a practical way to actually integrate these things. This goes on the giant long list of criticisms I have about the wellness industry in general and was a GREAT reminder that the mission I am on to finding OKAY, the middle and neutrality, is worth it. Liking yourself all the time is 1. hard 2. exhausting 3. doesn't take into consideration ANY kind of social/structural way you are told to not like yourself.
I think the answer for me is building a schedule that feels right and integrating some kind of self-confidence practice (this word doesn't feel right, self-okayishness pracise?). Whether it is doing something I know I'm like REALLY GOOD AT (like teaching, drawing, or making my brother a birthday cake) and/or consciously removing things that I know make me feel like fucking shit (Instagram). And spending a real honest moment remembering and fusing the nice things people say about us into our monkey brains that only cling to bad shit.
*Inhale* "I like your orange crocs"
*Exhale* "thank you they make me feel comfortable and alive and like my true self, thank you for seeing me"
Actual practical ways of finding self okayishness
This creative Pep talk episode is my favorite. HOW as an artist do you self sabotage?? Some practical ways of integrating the opposite of that
Make a list of stuff you LIKE, what is your recipe for feeling good? write it down so when your mind and heart aren't right - you've got your secret sauce. hint: you can have MANY SECRET SAUCES
Pay attention to what you pay attention to. How does it feel?
Therapy. Excavate your shit, and deal with it. 💖
Maybe some of these things work for you. Maybe they don't. I'd love to hear about it, either way.
I love you, truly I do
xx
phoebe
p.s
if you love the online friendship newsletter forward this to a friend who might like to subscribe or share an excerpt on social media and tag us/me/we @okayshoe xo WORD OF MOUTH WILL ALWAYS BE THE SWEETEST MOST SPECIAL WAY TO SHARE ART, LOVE, BEING OK, AND CREATION IN THE UNIVERSE!!! ✨