a year of gradients 🌫
the great big gradients and greys of being alive
 a year of gradientsÂ
Hi sweet humans! I have been writing this newsletter in my head for weeks. It's been almost a year of the friendship newsletter. And my promise of a bi-weekly newsletter wasn't always kept (IE this transmission is coming in "late"). How do you summarize this year? This year of big lessons, and big pain and big grief? I'm not the biggest fan of the holidays, I find it all very sad and difficult to navigate and then I feel like a brat for being sad when my life is so very nice and then the shame spiral of being alive starts. Being alive is weird and hard and the lasagna layers of weird and frustrating and pandemic has just got me down. ya know?Â
It's rare in life where we get one big RESET button or pause or break or BIG shift. There is nothing to turn on/off again, hold down for three seconds, or unplug. Marriages, divorces, babies, death are all slow transitions into a new thing. Just the gradient into new, different, the same. New years can just be a Friday if you want it to be.Â
I don't say this to get you down, but to offer a different perspective. Because there is no "Goodbye 2020". The pandemic won't be over next week, people are still houseless, tired, hungry. Black people are still shot in the street or in their cars. Governments still put profit over people. 2020 was our highlighter, of the things we already knew didn't work, or couldn't work, or of things that we knew we needed, and maybe need more of now.Â
Something the pandemic has taught is me that I am more of an introvert than I thought. That I do like being alone on walks, or in my bath or staring up at the escarpment from my back deck and breathing alone. Not that I don't love connection (I mean I am writing you YOU my sweet friends right now!). But maybe I can be more intentional with my connection? So I can show up for my community, my people really well and good and rested and articulate and ready for compassion. I talked with my friend Andrea from Hamilton Hive about this last week and it (which was really fun and sweet having the interviewer tables turned on me). I'm not great at boundaries and self-control but man this is why we need them.Â
SO with all that being said. SOME FUN NEWS! I am committing to turning the friendship newsletter into a WEEKLY NEWSLETTER. Ouph. I've never been great at commitments like this, but I am a fan of diving into the deep end and JUST DOING IT. This is in large part to make a slow transition (See seee GRADIENTS!) into taking a sabbatical from social media altogether. The , and the Portal (and the portals discord which is REALLY cute sweet community blooming over there all on it's own) or an email will be the places to connect with me. Thinking about it more specifically scares me. Instagram is part of how I run my businesses, it's given me many of my friendships after moving to Hamilton. But and also it's a huge time suck for me, I feel awful after scrolling, about myself, my house, my activism, my hair. The true button in my life is that I KNOW if I pick up my phone I am going to feel bad about myself in 1-3 minutes. More news on this, and dates, and times, and journaling and questions over the next few weeks. But I am excited to try this experiment out TOGETHER.Â
Writing to you all this year has allowed me to is get clear on what I am sharing and who I am sharing it with. It feels less random than Instagram posting/scrolling, more friendly, and I love hearing back from you (or even if you don't hit "reply" just knowing you're here and we're here together as one, ya know?)
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This is my mission on earth. To be Okay. to get really comfortable and familiar with the murky grey areas. The middle, the grey, the gradients are tricky. But I really feel like they are WORTH exploring. Together!
We are not islands. You got this. I got this. We got this.Â
Okay New Year, Okay Friday
I love you all,
xx
phoebe
p.s
if you love the online friendship newsletter forward this to a friend who might like to subscribe or share an excerpt on social media and tag us/me/we @okayshoe xo WORD OF MOUTH WILL ALWAYS BE THE SWEETEST MOST SPECIAL WAY TO SHARE ART, LOVE, BEING OK, AND CREATION IN THE UNIVERSE!!! ✨