a new layer of fuckery š³
Hi friend, What do you give when you have nothing left to give? Do we give at all?Ā
I talk a lot about commitment. About coming back to ourselves being the real work of being a human, an artist, a person that creats etc. Things have felt sticky for me the last couple days and I keep asking myself, what do we draw from when we cannot commit any longer? When we want to give up and stay small, how do we return to ourselves, or just abandon ship?Ā
I talk a lot about commitment because I am constantly coming back to my work, as an artists, as a human, I have to remind myself of my mission on the daily, moment to moment. But the well I pull from was dry this week. For no other reason than the forces of a family history of mental health issues and the oppression of systems that are designed to keep you and I small, tired and unequipped to fight. I am tired in a brand new way. Or as a my friendĀ Jess said "a new layer of fuckery".Ā
I feel I have nothing to give anyone else but the small bits I can give to myself. I turn to my morning pages and I leave with no answers, I call a friend, go for a walk, have some water. Nothing feels like it is pulling me back to myself and maybe thats fine. Maybe getting so ungrounded, so off centre and trying andĀ nothingĀ happens is the commitment? Maybe havingĀ no fucking clue or answer is a just a fine place to be. My own (and theĀ worlds) obsessionĀ with the binary of good/bad disqualifies my exploration of finding the middle ground. I am a bad person because I am not good. But maybe instead I am not good or bad but just a person because I am and I can be more specificĀ with feeling (hot, sticky, crunchy, - other adjectives for chocolateĀ bars) instead of judgement (good/bad). Instead I explode the binary into a galaxy. I rememberĀ the multitudes of being alive. I just am in this new layer of fuckery.Ā
way off course
I went to my first IRL indoor yoga class and holy. shit. Breathing with otherĀ people. My friend Jo is opening her own studio and I will be there all day breathing deeply.
Listing three things that are actually factually real on earth (leaves, moss, the reflection of the sunset on the brick houses)
DYSLEXIA FONT! If you didn't know, I'm dyslexic!Ā Being able to read without giving myself a headache is one way i tend to myself, so dyslexia font š
The new layer of fuckery antidote,Ā Warmth: Rested And Ready Nov 19th!Ā šÆSee you there?
Pulling three cards, I have been asking myself "what does future me need to tell present me?'Ā
big love
xx
phoebe
p.s
if you love the online friendship newsletter forward this to a friend who might like to subscribe or share an excerpt on social media and tag me @phoebetay.lor xo WORD OF MOUTH WILL ALWAYS BE THE SWEETEST MOST SPECIAL WAY TO SHARE ART, LOVE, BEING OK, AND CREATION IN THE UNIVERSE!!! āØ