30 lessons by 30

or a mess of pink bows unstuck to my feet and shrimp rings

Dec 03, 2024

sometimes you just come out exactly who you are, a lover of a shrimp ring!

For the last three years I have written a X lessons by X on my birthday inspired by my sweet internet friend

. It feels almost untruthful to call them lessons this year nothings has stuck onto me the way a lesson should. Or alternatively all I have are a pile of lessons I seem to forget, a mess of tied pink bows collected all around my feet, nowhere to stick them to, no platitude I’ve tried on that feels soothing for the moment. Instead it all sits in a slurry, the dregs of a cup of tea poured over my grandmas broken sieve. Something sloshing in the bottom of my cup waiting to be integrated, picked up, learned.

I wasn’t going to write 30 lessons, I had the idea of a list of things I wish i knew before 30. Things I missed out on, things that passed me by. But as someone that feels so untethered, so not of this earth, so alien and unwanting to be human, that list would be too long. And truthfully, I wish to know nothing really, I wish to always stay open. Trying to be human has only ever hurt me. I wish to be so moveable and trusting of the spirit of me that wave and wind could pick me up and swirl me together and I’d still be me.

I’ve had a year of grief, of so much loss. Lessons feel unimportant in the death of it all. Nothing makes you feel less meaning making then big spirits no longer being here. Of loss and hope extinguished. But I think thats whats really beautiful about artists, poets, writers, creators. We make something out of the nothing. When when it just feels so fucking bleak.

So a collection of lessons I’ve gathered, not all stuck, not all integrated, more often a concept then a goal post of objective. Something just as moveable as me. ✨

30 lesson by 30

writing doesn’t happen at a desk
go for a run
shift down
touch a tree
tune into what aches, thats a place of knowing to
tulips don’t try to control the weather, they trust in the soils conditions to grow
be a tulip
don’t wait to be inspired
creativity is born from anger
be angry more
enter the dance with the energy you have, not the energy that is expected of me
make the space for what you need
make the space for what you want to create
its safe to listen to me
i get to trust me
trust your timing is sacred
trust is a practise, its not something you say. You cant make it cute, its a very specific thing you do everyday
People are only ever doing their best
Peoples best ins’t always good enough
be embarrassing
be “too much”
wear red lipstick everyday
eat the good pain au chocolates
let it be easy
it has to be beautiful
the scenic route in more interesting
not everything is a lesson
I don’t need to share it all
and I don’t always have to learn it
there will be new lessons tomorrow