I oscillate between peaks and valleys. Year two of a pandemic winter is no fucking joke and I do feel lighter because of my collection of coping mechanisms and hobbies but a crack in those things and my bunker of sewing, coffee, and cookies I’ve built up around myself crumbles. I refuse to gaslight my emotions and sensations, we must talk about the thing in the room and I gotta show up with all my feelings – or else I simply explode.
My trick for survival has been leaning into my emotions, the aesthetics of the day, ride the wave I am in and capitalize on this emotions now. The pace my current state and environment can support me in. And I don’t think it is a trick at all, I think it is the way we are meant to be without all the pre-tense and expectation of shoulds around us.
I wake up in a fine mood, the birds singing the sun shines I pick up my journal and write my morning pages sip my tea and write write write like I am the main character in a Jane Austen book. By the time I get back from a dog walk I have listened to a podcast on climate change and the sky is now grey and I am in a bad mood because everything is awful and I just dragged my dog through my neighbours unshoveled sidewalks and we’re both muddy and wet. I stay in my bad mood, listen to the 2019 Carrie Hope Fletcher rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” and pretend I too, am a wronged woman in musical, and this is my lament. I build up the bunker of pessimism and bleakness around me. The bar is set at “disappointment” because I have learned that a wave of ok, or inspiration, or just a fucking sun beam will come and I will ditch this sensation and surf the next. I stay open to the possibility of shifting states, knowing the good mood will end and we’ll start the dance all over again.
Emotions to capitalize on
I AM HOSTING FRUIT SALAD’S ART HANG THIS SATURDAY FEB 5TH 🍉🍊
I am truly oscillating between hope and primal anger reading “We Are The Weather” – but mostly hope! Highly recommend if you have the capacity for action
Also reading “No Bad Parts” – must to consider!
Happy Lunar New Year to my friends and fam who celebrate, this installation in Dragon City Mall is beautiful!
1:1s for March are open (I have updated my availability while I am taking another training to integrate what I know better) – we oscillate between the feels together!