Piecing two scraps of linen next to each other like there is a right way is a hilarious notion. To act like I don’t know exactly what I want or that I couldn’t figure it out.
So we keep trying. I slip on the same trail I walk every week because the ground is softer, but not soft enough I can push my heel into the mud. The clouds threaten me with a gloomy day and the wind shifts. Planets teeter between signs and I look around myself for any answer I can find. What day to send an email? How to calculate the best idea I can have? When do I count my receipts based on the planets and start signs and weather? And then I do this to my art. What impact can we measure? What form can it take? How many clicks and eyes and emojis and dollar signs cause the intangible thing bring? Is science close enough to measure emotion and the impact I can make?
The constant reaching for the answers outside myself. That if I consult the various oracles I can control the outcome. How it makes someone feel and if they will love me enough. How much money I will make and the number of checks next to my name.
What can i make next that fils the god sized hole in my heart and the world? We forget creation is this beautiful super power, that if we see the missing thing in the world we get to make it ourselves. That vision of a new world. But reverse engineering that idea. The manufacturing of thing to hole is that external searching. Codependant creation.
But the answer in always me. Inwards. Myself. My agency. My intersection and space. No one knows better than me.
And its complicated when in the same breath I believe my work is of service. And when i think of my great creations they are born from what i need first. The balm to that god sized hole that made me feel whole, even just for a moment.
While watching Miley Cyrus sing on the roof of a rented home she speaks of creative process and the abilty to change and play – but always with the caveat that it has to be for her first. Even if its just a key change for a song she’s been singing for 15 years, it has to be for her first. I think the trust to create can be summed up in the same dorky song I have been singing along side her for 15 years.
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
I I I. Me.Me.Me the self trust to know how to move whatever mountain I stand infront of.
I can only control the actions I take. Not the outcomes. I can research and and study and collect. But there comes a time when all the books, stars, medicine, group chats, therapists and healers have carried me as far as they go. And it’s me that has to carry the work home, find the answer that I knew I had inside myself the entire time.
Trust. Not looking to my art to make me feel good about myself or even for answer or for why or how. Creative co-dependency. No wanting to me liked or even good enough. Just me at the end of the road.
This Audre Lorde quote I have read how many times but I guess I was not ready to hear in my friend Gabrielle posted it
I am completely self-referenced right now because it is the only translation I can trust.
- Audre Lorde in The Cancer Journals
✨A SPELL FOR INNER KNOWING✨
10 jumping jacks while chanting I HAVE ALL I NEED
*repeat until your liver spleen and lungs vibrate back at you and know it is truest thing you have ever felt
Findings
Obvi the Miley “doc”? what are we calling this? Fucking good is what it is
Stephen Altena FROLIC at the Hamilton Gallery
Open Creative Coaching + Strategy books
🌷POSSIBLE OUTCOMES INCLUDE 🌸
-Crafting a business and marketing plan you actually like
- Finding a process to finally write your play
- Pitching clients for creative work
- Identifying money making opportunities
- Feeling ok sharing your creations
- Just wanting to feel closer to your creativitythese vibes (can everyone tell I am in my cottage core era?)
THIS WEEKS POD! (this episode is a manifesto on work and sneak peak of new offering!!!)
xoxoxoxoxoxo forever and ever
Phoebe 🌷
what is the miley doc you a text referring to?👀👂🏼