Digging through a box of dusting objects and stale cigarettes from being 16 and stupid I found a roll of photos I took on my camera as a kid. The preciousness of what I found important enough to take a photo of at 8-9-10. Wishing to only take photos of my stuffed animals lined up on my bed, the kids eye view of my parents, the acidental shutter click of stranger lying on a beach.
I have been mid (another) neuro-divergent diagnosis (again). And while I don’t know what or if I will share with the internet – I am fermenting with myself first. This process is a trying one and regardless of “outcome” I have spent the last weeks turning over every stone of myself.
I am who I have always been. Starts signs, genetics, brain chemicals, the food I eat and the flowers I pick. External input clouds my minds eye.
I am the ferment my grandma made from the garden. The freshly picked peppers and tomatoes the first of the summer. I am the he hot vinegar poured over cucumbers. Ring closed finger tight.
I am 8 in the garden hunting for fairies I am 9 in my bedroom painting beads I am 10 riding my bike down daring myself to not pull the breaks.
Fear is the opposite of creativity. When we sit in the turning over every rock space of “is this good enough” or even worse “am I good enough” we are scared of our own self and space. Sitting with ourselves is hard but only because we don’t hold space for paradox. One part of right and the other is wrong. And never the both/and. The fear and the want and the want of fairies and flowers and paintings and taking photos of what we find precious to us in that moment. Unclouded by “goodness” or “perfect”.
I bought a film camera in a parking lot I have no idea what I am doing with but excited to make mistakes and learn.
I write because it feels good and because I have a nook to hold it.
I wonder what strawberries to grow on my back deck and what soil is best.
I sit with myself. I add salt and sugar to the jar and find a dark spot on the shelf to sit. I brew and bubble.
Only my input. The microorganisms I’ve carried all along, the fungi I hold, the absence of oxygen. The only process I trust. The one I have always had.
HOW TO MAKE ART/BUSINESS starts Sunday at 1pm est 🌸✨
JUNE 4TH - 24TH A 4 part course to develop our creative practise in all we touch. To ferment our ideas and bring them out into the world. 🫙
After this class you will…
🌸 Actually get that idea out of your draft folder
🌳 Have a stacked roster of tools, (think artist bio, online and/or offline marketing strategy, library of copy!) to talk about you + your work
🤸♀️ Walk along a clear path, knowing what you want to do and how you want to feel doing it
🪐 Have a whole ass offering for the world to hit “add to cart” on
FINDINGS 🗺️
This week on the pod I scream about flight scanner and ticks!
Digging through my fabric stash to make a new summer top
Planning my summer sabbatical (more soon 🥰)
Budgeting even when it makes me wanna barf
This ologies episode on the WGA strikes is SO GOOD!
I now need to get into Victorian lamp making
big love for your ferments 🫙🧚♀️
phoebe 🌸