Someone called me “disciplined” a couple weeks ago and it triggered something in me. I was angry, I felt very unseen in my messy freakness. Like all things this has nothing to do with that person and everything to do with my own reaction to those words.
I have been unraveling from the systems I think discipline comes from my whole life. I don’t really plan much. I have a planner that is essentially a glorified notebook, my google calendar is only full of the places I need to be and when (with reminders of course).
I am a relatively unorganized person.
My cable management is horrific.
The pile of clothes next to bed bed also contains whatever 4 books I have on the go.
I write these emails the day before I send them.
I am neurodivergent – I have a general preference for lateral thinking and high distractibility.
And all of my messy freakness is a super power. I have very little desire to change this about me, so when I am drafting a contract for a client, potential collaborator or long term consulting gig I have boundaries in place that protect the space around my messy freakness.
I don’t respond to emails right away, and when I do they are full of spelling mistakes (see dyslexia but also grammar is colonialism 🤷♀️). Urgency doesn’t work for me so I require 48 hours to consider something and another 48 (at least) to execute them.
And I am highly successful. I am highly prolific. I create works that I get to explore feeling and aliveness with other people. I work with professionals and business owners that want to use the magical messy bits of my brain. And the only way I can sustain it is by being me.
Maybe this isn’t your brain. Maybe your brain highly analytical, organized, anxiety rules your moves, maybe its ADHD, and the requirement to do something different everyday. Whatever that is is your SUPERPOWER.
Being disciplined and being a messy freak are not opposite ends of the binary but states I get to occupy or move between, or perhaps I am disciplines in my messy freakness.
I want to live in a world where these parts of our process – because all parts of life are our creative process, are protected,honored and respected. Everyone wants the messy art, but no one wants to deal with the 3D messy human being artist. Unless we tell them how to treat us.
What would letting yourself be your pure freak feel like? And how would you articulate this to the world?
I created Boundaries for Artists not because I know best, but because I have experience in being a freak for hire and want to go deeper into protecting those pieces of myself – with others. This panel of artists reflects multiple industries, theatre, fine art, design, coaching and the multitudes of ripples beyond it, because I do not think this work is singular. It is togetherness that creates the strength for change.
WAYS TO BE A FREAK 🎪
Say no, dont respond
I think a really stellar way to start crafting boundaries and spells of self protection is by making something, ANYTHING. I guide below 👇
I have been eyeing a Thread and Sprout dress for future field freakin
I cried three times while trying to fix an error on my bookkeeping sheets BUT youtube ASMR Pomodoros are keeping me sane (for moments I do have to “disciplined”).
Turtle necks under all things until I see a cherry tree in full bloom
Wearing the same thing everyday
Thanks for being here
I love you all 💖
Phoebe