Life as felt bigger lately. As in the mushrooms around me grew over night to tower above me. Or maybe I have shrunken. The notes I left on the table are now unreachable and not to be the cheesy writer who makes Alice in Wonderland references* but logic and proportion seem unfixed. The gaps between what I knew feel wider. The valleys I used to hike through, although familiar, now longer. The peaks feel steeper. And maybe its watching period drama after fantasy novel after LOTR re watch after Sims expansion pack but I can’t stop thinking of Hobbits and video games and the journeys we take to the thing. That we never really know what is gonna happen when we set out, but we do it anyway.
That of course things are harder. Of course valleys are wider and peaks higher. That I am smaller and everything larger. That journeying deeper into the forest means it gets darker. That racing through the side scroller promises another level. That just when I become adept at jumping through meteverses that landscape shifts. And while I know to double tap to make the jump I don’t know how long my thumb and forefinger need to hold the A button down to make it across.
When things feel like that stakes are so high, that there must be one outcome. But I never set out to know, I set out to play the game. To journey through it all. That I have no idea what is going to happen – even if i make that jump or not I have no idea what is on either side. That I take a deep comfort in never knowing and only ever trying. That beginners luck could be a thing each time I reach a new unknown. And that we don’t forge into the unknown to seek a desired result. But to forge into the unknown and to die and be reborn into another land and have every part of you pulled apart and collage back together into the thing you only half remember being.
Things don’t get harder when they’re about to shift, things get harder when they have shifted. New ground. New territory I have no idea how to traverse.
FINDINGS 🕹️
*Yes I was the kid that memorized “jabberwocky” as a kid so its honestly about time I start becoming a more basic writer
Screaming at the crocuses as the appear in my neighbours lawn (yes scream, really)
Wow I love being 0% good at something, new hobby of the moment is Lindy Hop classes and this on repeat
I yell about anti-ageing on this weeks pod 😈
big love and many blessings for the next levels and gaps between
xx
phoebe