My extreme distaste and desire to push away all routine in life feels high until you bring food into the mix. Fariha RĆ³isĆn wrote about breakfast in her latests newsletter, describing the food her mother cooked made me think of my Grandma in her kitchen.
It always felt like the illusion of Grandma was thin, the curtain could be drawn back in any moment that I wasnāt allowed to see the slightly undone morning versions of her. But even in the moments where her pink curlers sat on her head, an old bathrobe on, I felt at home. I would saddle up to the other side of the counter and sheād pour a bowl of count chocula and mix powered milk into the cereal.
The illusion of morning routines seem just as tenuous as the illusion of Grandmas.
I donāt believe in morning routines but that is because instagram makes me feel they are fake (I just talked about this on the pod) and my desire and avoidance to find routine is as strong as the archer sign i was born into. Even though I wake up later than I āplannedā every morning, even though I write every morning, even though I negotiate the kind of shower I will have and then walk my dog and drink a coffee and sit at my desk and write. I pile it all into ānot a routineā because it doesnāt look a certain way and certainly doesnāt make me feel a certain way either.
Tomorrow I get on a plane and go away on my first ever adult vacation literally ever. It feels silly to say at the age of 28 Iāve never taken a break but that sillyness is manufactured in an economy that tells me consuming makes me a good or bad person. The more I consume the better I can be.
I have a lot of fears and anxiety around leaving home + work it but I know my rituals I swear I donāt have can be packed in any bag I carry. And maybe my fears and anxiety over other peoples morning routines as intense or fake I find them can be a hinge back to myself.
My Grandmaās roller arenāt here anymore but I can find her in any bowl of cereal I stir. My couch or bed arenāt in reach but my pen and notebook will be.
rituals
I canāt recommend anything more than an otter livestream, enjoy š
Only reading cheesy bad roman novels currently, good for the brain juices!! What are your favs?
My new fav from Harry Styles is Boyfriends but I think this fact changes moment to moment
Iām teaching some park moves with Jo Gale and some fine folks š³ Disco in the trees with me?
Iām keeping my somatic coaching books at a sliding scale for the month of June, tap into the feels with me āļø
big blessings for the rituals and the pieces beyond!!
xx
Phoebe