I made the mistake of opening my phone last night after 9pm after the app I installed on my phone to keep me from opening the app flashes its three red “you’re opening this app past the time you want to and too many times” dots at me. Knowing full well it was going to be a feed full of “Happy International women day posts” that would light my hair on fire and make my blood rush through my body and away from my brain and into my heart and make my cortisol levels flood my blood stream. Knowing it would keep me up at night and pull at my ligaments until I was so tense all would be possible is for me to shatter. The patronizing nature of a hollow celebration. I ask myself how it can be happy anything when trans women are denied their humanity, when Black women’s pain is status quo, when abortion rights are being stolen from us, when women are killed by their governments for using their voice.
I am angry. I am furious. And I love women enough to keep going. I believe that we are good and capable of change. But I also know it starts within ourselves.
With not demanding urgency and reacting and results from each other. With the uprooting of perfectionism and ego and not enoughness within ourselves. With deep deep compassion for ourself and the daily, minuscule acts of resistance. To commit to a lifetimes of work even in discomfort and “tiredness”.
All I can think of today is Black women. All I can think of today are Iranian women. All I can think of today are trans women. All I can think of today are Indigenous women.
All I can think of today is this Audre Lorde quote.
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own. And I am not free as long as one person of Color remains chained. Nor is anyone of you.”
A SPELL HOPE WISH PRAYER AGREEMENTS FOR SELF TO SAY ANGRY
*deep breath in, hands over where you need strength and read out loud*
We agree to meet our discomfort, and know it is always the thing within us to untangle. May we look within ourselves first before asking others to solve the friction in our bones. We agree that ideals of time and space and look and professionalism are tenants of white supremacy. We agree we will resist. We agree we will stay committed to our ager, to our collective well being. May each spark light a fire. We agree we are only free, until we ARE ALL FREE.
Petition for Trans folks to seek asylum in Canada, sign this petition
Donate the the sexual assault centre in Hamilton (SACHA)
Donate to the Love Land Foundation, they fund free therapy for Black women and girls
keep going 💕
BIG LOVE HUGE LOVE
phoebe 🌷