We cannot expect water colour results if we are bound to binary thinking and spread sheet actions
Last week required every thread of honesty, every tool I have collected into my rucksack, every lesson ancestor friend guide to keep it movin. Not just to move but together. There are times were ripping myself at the seams, throwing it all on the cutting room floor and burning and rising up and burning it back down again are all I can fathom. That holistic truth or healing could only be found in a structural rearranging of my bones and DNA. That poetic endings could only be found in fire.
But there are moments where I know I got this. Where I just need to hold steady, two hands on the streering wheel, to be ok in that turbulence. To pull the threads and reach for the tools because why the fuck else have I collected the tools or done the sun salutations if not to use them to order a coffee in a steady voice, drive across town for the *right* cat food or show up to a zoom meeting with my hair still in curlers. That real real human.
I ask myself in these conversations are we actually talking about what we are talking about? I think so often the question we are asking over across at the table is “what kind of radical soul charging upheaval of every system that offers good vs bad as an object truth are you up for?” and we answer in “I’ll get a coffee, cream no sugar” as a way not to embarrass each other with the truth.
Showing up as the freak we uncover after we’ve pulled off our eyelashes asks us for better. Not the same route action. Not by hiring someone or buying a thing or asking for the manager or reading this essay or looking outside of ourselves to someone else. But turning inward. Knowing that every problem and every answer is tangled around your left kidney, blameworthiness placed on a shelf we gesture too but never pull back down. That that is for others to seek in themselves but never us.
If we are expecting the rainbow then statues quo is not going to get us there. We cannot expect water colour results if we are bound to binary thinking and spread sheet actions.
Watercolours are created in the grey. In the lotus mud and discomfort and embarrassment and singing kelly clarkson loud loud and red faces and real true unknowing.
wrote this week “discomfort of it is the price we pay for the possibility of it” and man oh man and I in discomfort and inviting you in. The water is not warm, but absolutely worth it.findings 🧭
My jaw DROPPED when I saw the thumbnail of
latest, 😍 "Ordinary Black lives should be remembered, too” 💕1:1 books open for March 🪄 possible outcomes: pulling your creative project into the world, crafting a strategy for sharing it, feeling ok talking about you + your work, finding incongruences in your work + values, coming with one questions and leaving with 50693 possibilities 🌈
not buying new stuff and instead diving into my fabric storage
IRL PILATES CLASSES in Hamilton 💃🏻! Feb 21st + 28th GOLDEN HOUR // Pop Up Pilates @ Rooneys Feb 27th + March 6th
big love and many blessings for rainbows water colours and discomfort ✌️
phoebe 🌸
Ty for sharing!!